Our life is an apprenticeship to the truth, that around every circle another can be drawn; that there is no end in nature, but every end is a beginning.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Stuff I Thought About...

While I did my laundry:
Should I buy more laundry detergent? How much I am supposed to use? It sure doesn't get the whites very white. I wish I could read the instructions... I probably shouldn't bother buying more detergent until I see if I find a new laundry person. Why the hell couldn't Judy just be more reliable... I can't believe just to save face she is telling people I bought a washing machine. Christ I hate washing sheets.  Dammit now the pants I am wearing are soaked... yup, underwear too; maybe I should just wash them. Would they fit in the tub? Then what do I wear... I'm all sweaty from doing the wash. Do the neighbors think I'm really stupid the way I am doing this? How much scrubbing should I bother to do? Would the steel wool for the pans get that stain out?
 This is a full-time job now. cotton tee-shirts just keep getting longer and longer...pretty soon they can double as dresses. With all this rain I'll be lucky if this load dries before it starts getting moldy and I have to wash it again. Christ, I hate washing sheets. I wonder if the water from all this will drip through the cracks to the downstairs. Should I mop up here since the floor is wet anyway? I never thought I would love polyester so much very much too much right now. 
Ironing really isn't so bad. I kind of enjoy this. Shit the linen setting is way too hot for these Columbia pants, it's like melting them. Dammit look at how many stains there still are on these pants. Shit now I just ironed a major crease INTO my shirt. How the hell can am I supposed to get into that area with a square desk? Do I have anything I can use for a spray bottle? Some of these wrinkles just don't want to come out. Great, now everything clean is dragging around on the dirty floor when I'm ironing, this is a Catch-22I wish I was reading.  Maybe I should go downstairs and turn on some music to go with this. Fuck, I have been on this shirt for 20 minutes. Fuck it's hot up here, and this iron isn't helping.  How did Judy iron everything so perfectly, even my tee-shirts? So she lied to you constantly and was totally unreliable, but what did you want for $12 a month? The clothes were always perfect... Maybe I could call her up and beg her.

While I was planting rice:
Am I really going to be able to handle standing in mud all morning? What if I step on something moving? I hope I don't really screw this up. How hard can it be? I bet my back is going to give out in like five minutes. How the hell am I going to get out of this? What can I say I have to go do? No, this is going to be cool. At least it's raining so it's not hot. 
  I can't believe Tuey is wearing a polar fleece. Shoulda known food would be part of this. Beautiful here. Look at Tuey's husband and son go. Not even farmers, not really. So quiet. Man, it doesn't get much more elemental than this. Look at those bundles, even those are perfect.

  I hope I am doing this right. Tuey said not to twist my hand under the water. Are mine as deep as everyone elses'? What am I supposed to do when they sort of fall over? Man, look how slow I am. Hey my back doesn't really hurt! Was that something that moved under my foot or am I imagining things? How close are they supposed to go to the land? No way I can be fast, just try to do it right instead. Why am I so worried about this? What are those guys thinking about while they plant? Man it's beautiful here. If Noah were here he would have the stereo playing rap full blast. Okay just try to get a sort of rhythm. try to be steady. How does Tuey always get them in such perfect groups? Oh shit did I just drop all those floating there? Can someone really plant forty of those bundles in one day? Shit it has taken me three hours to plant two. What did Bill Bailey used to say? I'm slow but at least I'm lousy..
 Tuey's husband must be the nicest guy in the whole world. Look how he holds the whole bundle. Maybe I should try that. I wish I could remember his name. Fuck I wish my Thai didn't still suck so much. Okay THAT was something that moved under my foot. Oh now that last group tipped over. Did anyone see that? Maybe if I kind of pile mud around it. Why does my spacing keep going off so much. Sound of them planting is so peaceful. The steady plop plop plop. Is my back hurting or am I imagining things. I bet with global warming and all the shortages of food this field is going to be worth something extra next fall. Weird to think back to when we were with the students cutting the rice at the high school. I hope it isn't really obvious come October that all the rice I planted is dead. 
 Geez Tuey is amazing. I can't believe how great she is. Who laughs that much?  Man I'm going to miss her.

 While they were gassing the school:
What the hell is that noise? Well forget about this class. Oh my God what are they all saying? A giant fart. It did sort of sound like that. I have to remember the word for fart, what was it again? Fuck I wish my Thai was better. Great now they are actually running out of the class. What is going on? Holy shit what is that racket? What is that machine? This is not good. It must be fumigating. Is DDT still made and sold here? Is it just the orchard? Look at that guy! He doesn't even have a dust mask. Well at least it is blowing away from the school. No wonder the kids got so jazzed up. Is that another machine. Oh shit it is coming this way.  Hey this one has a dust mask and gloves. I gotta get all my shit I don't want it covered in whatever this mess is.
 How is it possible no one thought to tell me this was scheduled for today? Or at least come get me?
Holy crap I can smell it now.
  I anit gonna make it through that cloud no matter how long I hold my breath. Is that a kindergartner? Nice. What are the trade offs between dengue fever and cancer? Oooh that's a great shot. Man this is like the fall of Saigon and I am like a New York Times photographer... That shit is going to be on everything in the building.
 Wonder what the schedule is after this? Should I shoot some movie? Jesus this has to be the weirdest thing so far. Maybe not.Wild and wooly. Won't see this on the World Teach website. Is that girl picking weeds?
  I know, I have a foul-mouthed thought stream. It's probably about twice as bad as I copped to. I did switch to video for the final minute or two if you are still here and want to see it:
Feeling Gassy


  1. I haven't laughed so hard in awhile--THANKS Gassy!

  2. I'm thinking that is the leaned down edited version of your thought train.

    I certainly empathize with, "I wish my Thai was better!" Although sometimes its better not to know. There was a crew congregating here the other day. They all went to cut bamboo, which I finally get to do fot the first time next week. Anyway, they were all laughing and telling stories. Later I asked my wife what they were talking about. She said they were detailing the weaknesses of farang men compared to themselves.

    Same! Same! All over world.

    I thought fart was toot toot and bowl movement joot joot, although key is shit.

    I finally learned the Thai word for key - khoon jahr. I no longer creat a wave of anickers by asking for the key motocy.

    Oh yeah! I was here on my computer a few days ago and something furry scurried across my right foot. I convinced myself it was an errant kitten.